Assignment: End Times, Track <-- Back, Coming Full Circle, and Beginning Again

• My previous success as a student has been due to my passion for a subject. If, however, the passion isn't there, I've resorted to [private, mental, unspoken] competition. I have Gabe and Paolo to thank for my determination to graduate a year early.
• In the past, I have learned best when the material was presented in a variety of ways, when the class was small, and when the teacher was available to work in a one-on-one setting. Uhm... this question does not work for me because my material was anything and everything besides textbooks, like shopping in Italy and attempting to mentally convert USD to Euro, I was the only one in my class all the time anyway, and I'm in the habit of going to Mum's room to talk all the time to the point where she has to remind me that she has to pay attention to the younger kids =)
  
• That approach seems to not work  now at my college classes because it's not homeschool. I'm not used to having so many textbooks at one time, I'm obviously not the only person in my class, and my teacher is no longer my mom. But I think I've been well prepared by my general moving around, my Youth Group and homeschooling group, karate, online classes...
  
• When the class isn't "my style," I can try to zoom out and see the big picture, focus on how the class helps me as a person and try to use that as motivation to give my all despite.
  
• The most relevant aspect of Metacognition was... I honestly don't know how to answer this question. Relevant how...?
  
• At this time, one impediment/roadblock [noise] to my success as a student/learner was the past.
  
• I can overcome or deal with the "noise" that complicates my academic success by simply focusing on the present, allowing myself to enjoy everything thrown at me in my odd way. I daresay I have been fairly successful.
  
• If the theory of Multiple Intelligences is valid, then my areas of strength are... I believe body and visual. This is helpful / not helpful to my academic success because... helpful in that I've never made flashcards for myself and I found that they helped me a lot in Sanitation class, but also not helpful in that I cannot apply all my classes as physically as I do karate.
  
• My Locus of Control is internal and that impacts my learning in that I forget to ease up on myself sometimes.
  
• From all the Learning and memory quizzes, I have concluded that my mind can be trained... and it helps to talk out loud to get my mind to do what I want it to do.
  
• The ideas from the Books / Brain discussion that I thought was the most important was that happiness is a choice. It is something I am sure I already knew, but I like it and am not at all bored when completely new and different discussions take place that only serve to strengthen my conviction. I plan to continue to welcome impromptu discussions with my classmates anytime the opportunity presents itself.
  
• The classroom activity that I benefited most from was the open discussions because I learned how quickly the opposition comes, how quickly I am provoked, how quickly I want to raise my voice. All these things, I knew already but on a much lower level. I only had to deal with Eric and Nate one at a time, and my debates with my YFC siblings were different in that they were half opposing and half on my side already. It's a whole new experience to feel that the opposition is coming from all sides at once, and I don't have the luxury of time to calm myself down or think things out more thoroughly before writing that email or that blog post, or even just weighing my words before typing up the next line in a chat.
  
• My current level of stress number is 597 and I plan to handle this by taking each day one at a time, not allowing college to cause me to shut out those closest to me, staying as active as possible with the XD, continuing to go to Mass etc. regularly, enjoying myself thoroughly.
  
• The Leonardo principle that I excel at is Sfumato because the center of my life is a paradox.
  
• The Leonardo principle that I need to develop is Sensazione because I am far too good at tuning out things, to the point where I don't know how to be as aware as I want to be when I don't want to be tuning things out.
  

1. What have you learned about college and yourself as a college student? Well, I've learned that I'm not having the typical problems of a homeschooler based on what I heard at the Dayton panel. I'm not at all having problems with waking up early, time management, or test-taking. And college is a lot more fun than I expected it to be... no, not because I expected it to be boring or anything; not that at all. Once I got back from Italy, started the application process, and got accepted, I couldn't wait to start. I was ready for a whole new scene. But yes, I wasn't expecting it to be nearly as much fun as it turned out to be =)
2. What role, if any, did the following things assist you in this "learning?"

• Discussion boards --> Definitely helped me to be more comfortable with my classmates, which then made it easier to spew stuff without being guarded and helped me to let loose and focus.
  
• Classroom games --> Also helped me be more comfortable with everyone. I think that -- being comfortable with classmates -- is a big thing for me. When I'm comfortable with people, it makes the class that much easier and interesting.
  
• Field trip --> Helped me connect the classroom to the outside world. In more than one sense.
  
• Wiki --> Not much, honestly...
  
• Blog --> Heh, this one's old news to me.
  
• Catalog hunt --> I think this actually made me more comfortable just walking around the school in general.
  
• Fellow students --> Oh they make all the difference in the world =)
  
• Leonardo checklists --> Very, very interesting. Made me consider things I hadn't really bothered spending much time thinking about before.
  
• Anything else? --> It always helps to have teachers that seem to enjoy what they're talking about.
  

3. How is what you learned so far in college related to what you expected to learn? I did not come to college expecting to learn anything in any particular subject, so much as expecting to be prepared for the world, as someone intending to live in the world but not of it. While college has been a whole new experience, it's been strangely familiar at the same time. I feel like I've been through this before, many times, with moving, joining and leaving different circles, etc. I guess that's why I haven't had a very hard time adjusting at all. I find that I'm simply continuing to be prepared in ways that I've already begun to be prepared in past... if that makes any sense.
4. How will you use what you have learned? Oh, I'm driving my family nuts with everything I've learned in Sanitation. I'll toss out random practices and rules and regulations and facts all over the place.
5. As you read over your blog entries, what evidence is there of your growth as a learner? I've certainly grown in self-knowledge. And I'm not disappointed; I think that's the best kind of knowledge, because in knowing my own strengths and weaknesses, I know where I need to improve.
6. What is an example of your "best work" in the class? Why is it so? That's a really hard one! I honestly don't know. I want to answer, but it's not... absolute truths... like math... or grammatical issues like english... Honors class is so very subjective =) It's great. Uhm... I'll run with... something that wasn't really an assignment. I think my best work were the pictures I took at Spring Grove. We got out first digital camera four years ago and I've been trying ever since to take pictures that I could be proud of. I've never taken so many that I've been proud of at one time before.
7. What did you do in your other classes that represent your best work / you are proudest of? I'm proud of everything math... proudest of my final production in Excel... both my essays in english... definitely proud of passing the Sanitation exam, that was the only grade we got in that course... and my club sandwich in cooking!!!! Fo sho =)
8. What else do you need to learn about yourself as a student / learner. How will you go about learning it? I just need to keep spotting the room for improvement. Who knows how? opportunities every day.

Assignment: Brain Games

I'M ADDICTED TO THE COLOR GAME THINGY. And I got 100% the first time :) It's easier when I talk out loud, so I challenge myself to do it silently. Really hard! I'm used to talking to myself when I'm working out a problem.

http://www.fireworkspop.com/colortest.htm

Assignment: Corporalita - Cultivate Ambidexterity

Reverse Crossing

Lol!!

Interlocking my fingers in reverse doesn't feel funny; I've often done it just to do it when I'm bored and playing with my hands, and I've held hands with people that way.

Crossing my arms in reverse takes a few minutes. I think I've got it, but I actually don't... I really have to watch my arms and what they're doing and really make them go the way I want them to go.

Crossing my legs in reverse is something I already do normally. I switch regularly in church so that my circulation isn't cut off.

I can wink with either eye...

but I CANNOT roll my tongue to the right!!!

Use Your Nondominant Hand

Yeeek! I had to pause and do a double-take before I did anything. I had to catch myself accidentally using my dominant hand. And trying to brush my teeth with my left hand is ridiculous. Is my left hand really as weak as it feels, or is it simply not used to those motions?

Experiment With Writing

Wow... my left-handwriting is terrible. I skipped the stream of consciousness activity because I really don't think I'll get anything out that I'll actually be able to read...

Experiment With Mirror Writing

MUCH much easier than trying to write with my left hand. I think this is a skill I'd like to cultivate just for the fun of it :)

 

 

Assignment: Arte/Scienza; Self-Assessment Checklist

[x] I like details. --> Perhaps a bit too much. Gets me into trouble sometimes ;)

[x] I am almost always on time. --> I got that from my dad. Always plan to be ten to fifteen minutes early, at the very least. Two hours early for a flight.

[ ] I am skilled at math.

[x] I rely on logic. --> I like knowing that I'm being entirely logical -- or that I completely understand that I'm being totally illogical yet still consciously choosing to be.

[x] I write clearly. --> Depends. My journal's a mess. So are my school notes. But my composition journal is something I'm proud of.

[ ] Friends describe me as very articulate. --> I wouldn't know.

[x] Analysis is one of my strengths. --> Oh, information can be such a curse at times.

[ ] I am organized and disciplined.

[x] I like lists.

[x] I read a book starting at page one and go through in order. --> How else would it make sense?

Within limits. I am highly imaginative about things I make a point of being imaginative about. --> I am highly imaginative. [x]

 I highly enjoy brainstorming exercises. --> I am good at brainstorming. [x]

'Unexpected' usually being synonymous with 'politically incorrect.' Which may or may not be unwelcome depending on the circle I find myself in, but that doesn't stop me. And then I'm just a strange person who bursts into song while doing anything and everything except reading and writing, I also like to dance and reminisce and totally random times, I'll keep quiet when I don't feel like it and pick a fight where you least expect it, or maybe you do if you know me well enough. Oh, and I like to do crazy epic things that I've never done before, on purpose. --> I often say or do the unexpected. [x]

I love to doodle. [ ]

Oh yesss. --> In school I was better at geometry than algebra. [x]

I read a book by skipping around. [ ]

I prefer to look at the big picture and leave the details to someone else. [ ]

I often lose track of time. [ ]

I honestly believe that this does not, in any way whatsoever, deny or contradict the above "I rely on logic," point. --> I rely on intuition. [x]

Hmm... leaning towards left brain, it would seem. Yet I would like to note that

• My math teacher wants me to switch to a math major. It seems I have a thing for numbers, but don't tell him that I just lose it when I don't do math for a while, so when I'm done with Pre-Calc, I have no intention of going back to it.
• I've been applauded for finding the right words, and someone told me just this past Thursday that I speak well and could almost be British without the accent, whatever that was supposed to mean. Maybe that counts as friends describing me as articulate? but I don't necessarily believe them, considering how often I get frustrated with not being able to say exactly what I want to say the way I want to say it.
• I am organized and disciplined in some things and completely chaotic in others. It's a so-so thing. 
• I would love to doodle if I thought I was any good at it!
• When I've already read a book and it has become one of my favorites, then I read it by skipping around to the parts I love best.
• Maybe I'd leave details to someone else if I weren't such a stickler for control, and if I didn't feel guilty about being lazy. Huh, that's precisely why I was chosen to lead Youth Camp.
• I lose track of time when I'm lost in a good book or a nice warm shower after a really long tiring day. But otherwise, I rarely get surprised by the clock when I look at it.
  

Assignment: Sfumato; Self-Assessment Checklist

[x] I am comfortable with ambiguity. --> Fairly, but it depends on the situation. I daresay I'm comfortable enough with it because there are times when I do consciously choose to remain ambiguous where I could clarify. It's not always the best choice, I've found, but there.
[x] I am attuned to the rhythms of intuition. --> Something like when I just "get it," and then I can't articulate it exactly as I would like? Too often.
[ ] I thrive with change. --> So-so; but in general, unless I already meant for things to change, I don't respond well to it. I would like my little brother to stay a baby, please =)
[x] I see humor in life every day. --> Oh, I daresay I'm good enough at that =) especially with the family I have.
[x] I have a tendency to "jump to conclusions." --> Ahaha. I am in a state of self-denial. I know I do jump to conclusions far too quickly, but this is probably the one time I've ever admitted it.
[x] I enjoy riddles, puzzles, and puns. --> Although it depends on who I'm talking to and where I am and what it's all about.
[x] I usually know when I am feeling anxious. --> Yes, I've gotten plenty of practice recognizing when I am anxious about something... ohoho yes.
[x] I spend sufficient time on my own.
[x] I trust my gut.
[x] I can comfortably hold contradictory ideas in my mind.
[x] I delight in paradox and am sensitive to irony. --> Oh, Lord, Catholicism is a paradox.
[x] I appreciate the importance of conflict in inspiring creativity. --> Funny how I'm most inspired when something is bothering me. 

Assignment: 42 & Dance For The Dead

Those who are dead are not dead

They're just living in my head

And since I fell for that spell

I am living there as well

This is the dance that brings the dead to the living

They say, "I miss you every day, you know."

Ahaha so morbid. My apologies.

Frankly, I haven't been to a lot of cemeteries. Which is strange on some level, now that I think about it... They're all over the place in St. Louis. Haha. But the one experience that I do remember in detail concerning a cemetery was one in the Philippines. We were visiting the graves of my great grandparents. There is a bridge a story higher than the cemetery, and if you walk across it and look down, all you'll see are graves.... and graves... and more graves. And not laid out in rows with green between headstones... there was no green here. Not on the ground, anyway. Trees outside the cemetery walls. Maybe small patches of grass like you see growing between cracks on the blacktop. Graves and graves and more graves, narrow paved walkways in between, and these graves are stacked up on each other. I was brought to my family's plot and given to understand that a member from one generation was buried (well... wrong word, since they were above ground) above someone from the previous generation.

Homeless people live here. Some harmless enough, some you have to watch out for. I was told to be careful and keep close. They'll follow you around, begging for a coin, offering to shine up your plot. It's different from the cemeteries I see here... in that... it felt as if there was no breathing space. You were surrounded by the dead, and not even living grass to remind you that you were still in the land of the living. I was happy to visit my  great-grandparents' graves, I've heard so much about them and seen pictures and stuff... and it stays with me as an experience that I was glad to have had... but it did feel so... dead. And depressing. And the homeless that live there... who have only the dead as their constant company... only depress me more. To the world, they are already dead. Unless they're awfully lucky, they will make no mark on any part of the world save on the graves they are told to clean... and no amount of such work will ever be enough to have their own place to be laid out... in the company of people who loved them.

Assignment: Reflection on In-Class Activity

Here's what I wrote down for each chocolate:

• Chili ~ color/appearance: dark, jagged, intimidating, shiny; feel: soft yet hard, cold, rebellious; aroma: winter, white, overpowering, innocent, walang hiya; taste: spicy, challenging, red, explosion, ripples linger; connections: Blood, Eucharist, Italy, kyamoi, Save the Last Dance for Me
• Orange ~ color/appearnace: bumpy, smudged, dreamy; feel: forgiving; aroma: subtle, tangy; taste: orange, green, envious, asking, fading, jumpy, hurried; connections: Gabe, Tinikling, jamm session @ Hopewell, Kimberly
• Mint ~ color/appearance: perfection, inviting; feel: pointy; aroma: minty, Spring, life, new life, clean, refreshing; taste: nostalgic, reminiscent, slow, unhurried, you have to seek it; connections: Christmas trees, Neiderman's Farm, Festival of Lights
• Raspberry ~ color/appearance: surprise party!; feel: ouch!, doesn't want to melt!, unwilling; aroma: doesn't want to give; taste: empty, disappointing, small bursts, hints, uncooperative; connections: Paolo, Gabriella, Ate Candice, rap music

Ahaha. I forget now why I made some of the connections that I did. It was such an interesting activity! I'd love to do this again from time to time at home. I think I'll copy the form format and do it randomly every now and then.

It was really difficult to come up with non-food words, especially general ones. I remember that the 'connections' space was easiest to fill, and the color/appearance was the hardest.

Assignment: Sensazione - Drawing Music

Listening to: John Mayer, Weezer, Coldplay, Paper Route, and Jason Mraz

Listening to: Coldplay and Sophie Hawkins

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson

Listening to: Death Cab for Cutie

Listening to: Evanescence

 

 Listening to: Sara Bareilles

 Listening to: Sarah McLachlan

 Listening to: Within Temptation

Assignment: Dimostrazione - Self-Assessment Checklist

[x] I am willing to acknowledge my mistakes. ==> Sometimes it takes me a while, but I usually get around to it.
[x] My closest friends would agree that I am willing to acknowledge my mistakes.
[x] I learn from my mistakes and rarely make the same mistake twice. ==> So-so. It depends on the situation. I still got owned by a potato in Cooking 1 last week. I don't learn as fast in some areas as I do in others.
[x] I question "conventional wisdom" and authority. ==> HAH. Yes.
[ ] When a celebrity I admire endorses a product, I am more likely to buy it. ==> Nope.
[x] I can articulate my most fundamental beliefs and the reasons I hold them. ==> IF you are willing to sit down with me and talk it out. And I can't promise it all in one sitting. Half an hour wasn't enough to debate the morality of contraception with Nate, weeks of back-and-forth emails hashing out anything and everything with Michelle, maybe Devin and I just like to talk and commiserate, I had to come back to things ages afterwards with Paolo. It just depends.
[x] I have changed a deeply held belief because of practical experience. ==> Define 'deeply.' I went through a feminist-ish stage between the ages of... oh, 13 and 15? and I am well past it due to many experiences and interaction with many different people, but also a lot of reading and writing (hashing out in my journal and in essays for ToB).
[x] I persevere in the face of obstacles.  ==> Not always with a smile on my face, but there are few things I just 'give up' on.
[x] I view adversity as an opportunity for growth. ==> Often unconsciously at first. I mean, I know that that fundamental belief is there, and I don't stop believing it, but sometimes it takes a while for me to consciously remind myself of it. Haha, I just talked to a bunch of high school kiddies about this on Saturday =)
[ ] I am sometimes susceptible to superstition. ==> Nope!
[ ] In considering new ideas my friends and associates would say that I am
a) gullible and "New Agey,"
b) a close-minded cynic, or
c) an open-minded skeptic. ==> None. Most definitely none. In fact, I will take a survey and do a follow-up post. I am not gullible, FAR from "New Agey" and all of my YFC siblings can attest to that. I am not close-minded, as Nate can confirm, nor am I cynical. I am open-minded, but I am not a skeptic. I question authority, but more often because I want to understand the logic, not because I actually have doubts.

Assignment: More Assessment Tests

http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/lc_short_access.html

"People with internal LC, on the other hand, interpret outcomes as results of one's own actions. They tend to take responsibility as well as credit for the results of their actions."

HAH. My parents can attest to that last sentence. As well as quite a few of my closest friends. The site advises me to try to recognize that there are things completely out of my control. I've been hearing plenty of that this past year, I don't think it's getting through. I haven't really been letting it. I prefer to blame myself for what I honestly believe is my own fault, regardless of what anyone says.

http://www.web-us.com/brain/LRBrain.html

I am:

• Holistic as opposed to Linear ~ Processing information from whole to part; sees the big picture first, not the details.
• Random as opposed to Sequential ~ Processing information with out priority, jumps form one task to another.
• Concrete as opposed to Symbolic ~ Processes things that can be seen , or touched - real objects.
• Intuitive as opposed to Logical ~ Processes information based on whether or not it feels right know answer but not sure how it was derived.
• Non-verbal as opposed to verbal ~ Processes thought as illustrations.
• Fantasy-Oriented as opposed to Reality-Based ~ Processes information with creativity; less focus on rules and regulations

To the first, I agree; the second, I protest; the third, I have no comment on; the fourth, I strongly protest; the fifth, I affirm; the sixth, I am very... surprised about. Reading through the suggestions, there is absolutely nothing anywhere that was not already suggested in the results from last week's tests.

Assignment: Assessment of My Learning Preferences

http://www.bgfl.org/bgfl/custom/resources_ftp/client_ftp/ks3/ict/multiple_int/index.htm

According to the first test, my strengths come in the following order:

1. ~ Kinaesthetic ~ Body smart
2. ~ Musical ~ Music smart
3. ~ Intrapersonal ~ Myself smart
4. ~ Linguistic ~ Word smart
5. ~ Interpersonal ~ People smart
6. ~ Logical / Visual, Spatial ~ Number smart / Picture smart
7. ~ Naturalistic ~ Nature smart

1, 2, and 7 are not surprising to me. That I know myself better than I know others was a little unexpected, though. I feel like I deal better with others than I do with myself. Or maybe I'm not understanding exactly what that implies. I was most definitely not expecting to be more 'Word smart' than 'Picture smart.' And that I tied for 'Number smart' and 'Picture smart' makes me wonder... my guess would have been that I am more 'Picture smart' than either 'Word smart' or 'Number smart', and that all three would fall under 'Body,' 'Music,' 'Myself,' and 'People smart.'

http://www.engr.ncsu.edu/learningstyles/ilsweb.html

According to the second test, I have a preference of 3 towards Active learning as opposed to Reflective learning, a preference of 5 towards Sensor learning as opposed to Intuitive learning, a preference of of 1 towards Visual learning as opposed to Verbal learning, and a preference of 1 towards Global learning as opposed to Sequential learning.

The site makes the following suggestions for those who prefer Active, Sensor, Visual, and Global learning:

1. Active ~ If I have classes that allow little or no time for discussion or problem-solving activities, I should try to study in a group which allows the group members to take turns explaining different topics to each other, and then speculate as to what we might be asked on at the next test and help each other figure out how we will answer. --> Unfortunately, this test does not take into account the fact that I generally prefer to work alone, unless I am with a group of people that I have known for at least three months (that would be a rough estimate). Judging by the fact that the term doesn't last that long in the first place, I doubt that this will be of much help to me. I suppose one option would be going to people I am already comfortable with -- family and friends -- to help me study. The drawback there would be the fact that they would have no need of the information themselves and would not naturally be inclined to make time for it; not to mention, I'd feel guilty. Well, we'll see.
   
2. Sensor ~ I simply must quote: 'Sensors don't like courses that have no apparent connection to the real world; intuitors don't like "plug-and-chug" courses that involve a lot of memorization and routine calculations.' But I'm both ways!!! I don't like either! and yet it says I supposedly have a level 5 preference for the former as opposed to the latter. Well, I guess that's true enough. I honestly do not think that any advice it has concerning this learning preference is going to be of any use to me [at present].
   
3. Visual ~ When using course material that is predominantly verbal, I should try to organize my notes using charts and maps and colors. I think this is great advice, it's just a question of time. I'm not much of an artist, so I can't do it off the top of my head while actually taking notes in class. Perhaps I should plan on making time to do this over the weekends. I like the sound of it. 
4. Global ~ Advice here is to skim a chapter first before reading the whole thing, setting aside large blocks of time to immerse myself in one subject rather than working a bit at a time every night, and trying to relate what I'm learning to things that I already know. I [usually] already do all three of these. 

http://www.vark-learn.com/english/index.asp

According to the third test, my VARK score is:

• Visual: 9
• Aural: 8
• Read/Write: 9
• Kinisthetic: 9

Above lands me in the group with multidomal preferences. I did read the article on that, and I believe I am more or less competent at the Specific Context approach, which is that I attempt to adapt my learning preferences to what the subject requires. But I am aware that this is a trial-and-error approach; sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. It simply depends on the subject.

I have employed the Whole Sense approach as well, like mentally defining my current Honors class as basically re-learning everything I've already learned in ToB minus God.

Assignment: The Noise in My Life

Never to allow gradually the traffic to smother

With noise and fog the flowering of the spirit.

If you went to PKI yesterday and sat on the bench facing Dodgums and leaned forward on your knees and stared in a general direction to your right, you would have had a glimpse of my mind.

People will walk towards you and past you and disappear from your peripheral vision, and people will enter your peripheral vision and gradually wander into a way that will allow you to observe them more easily. You will be conscious of the heat of the sun on your left shoulder, and by contrast, the coldness of your right shoulder under the shadow of the tree behind you. The sky is beautiful; it couldn't get any bluer, and it makes everything look that much more jolly. You are surrounded by noise. There is the gentle and not annoying buzz of people talking growing louder and softer around you by turns as they walk along. This is easy to tune out; you barely notice it. Sara Bareilles' Fairy Tale is playing, but you have to strain your ears to hear it; the people manning the game stands all have their own personal amps, competing to be heard over the music and each other, repeating the same old corny stuff and having little luck (frankly, you've no sympathy), and they're driving you nuts. Fortunately,  you're slowly able to tune out all of that. You continue to stare in a general direction to your right, but there's a big red sign that reads "Attitudes," and your eyes keep coming back to it, again, and again, and again. It won't leave you alone. 

For this assignment, I decided to modify one of the exercises in the Curiositá chapter, entitled the Stream of Consciousness Exercise. This exercise requires me to allow my mind to simply wander where it will, and I felt that this would reveal to me what takes up a great deal of my thoughts when I am not forcing myself to focus on any particular subject.

I have completed and reviewed the exercise, searching for any negative thoughts that naturally enter my mind. I believe these negative thoughts could adequately be described as "noise" that smothers me.

I discovered that my mind is, at present, very much focused on having been left behind, particularly by Michelle, Nate, Gabe, Paolo, and Matt. I have been living this past month very conscious of being alone. My mind has also been on my Brothers and Sisters in Louisville, how much I miss them and want to see them again.

I have been full of contradictions. I already know that sudden topic changes are typical of me, but I see in my exercise that I have constantly been contradicting myself in terms of what I want in certain areas in life. I do not think that this says that I feel lost, so much as I know what is right and what is wrong, and I do not know why I would want anything but what is right. The exercise reveals that I entertain thoughts of being illogical only to reprimand myself soon after for having wanted to be anything but completely logical.

There seems to be an incredible amount of anger in me. This did not appear until about 3/4ths of the way down the exercise, and I believe that what this shows is that I have managed to dull and control the anger, but if I let my mind wander for 10 minutes, I will get there eventually. In other words, the fact that it did not come up right away shows that it is not in the forefront of my mind, and only resurfaces if I sit still and idle long enough; yet, when it does, it comes in torrents that do not go quietly. My anger seems to be due to a buildup of events beginning in... 2007, I believe.

Music-wise, I seem to be preoccupied particularly with Motion City Soundtrack, Death Cab for Cutie, Josh Groban, and Taylor Swift. I was quoting all of them, apparently because I felt that certain lyrics applied to my life.

Oh, and I seem to be very confused about something that I thought I had cleared up over a year and a half ago. Second thoughts about certain things...

Overall, it seems that the "noise" that is smothering me at present can be summed up in two words: The Past. Furthermore, I do not appear to be dwelling on the past in a manner that is meant to help me learn from my mistakes; rather, I appear to be getting quite bogged down in it. This is clearly not conducive to my intellectual growth. By focusing on the past, I am limiting myself to what I have done and assume that what I will do is identical to what I am doing right now which is being affected by what I have done, and so we come full circle and remain in the past and do not move forward. Yes, I've absorbed and retained information from my various classes these past two weeks, but you could say that in these two weeks, I have not moved forward as a person. School has provided what I have described to friends as an adequate distraction; I notice I have not used the word bridge or something synonymous to it that would suggest moving in a forward direction.

It's like at PKI. People coming and going, some I see and some I don't, some I notice more than others and some I don't. Half of me is hot and half of me is cold, yet no part of me is simply neutral. The music of life and the people manning the games I have to play demand my attention from time to time. But if I'm left to myself and I tune it all out, sometimes consciously and sometimes not, my mind will wander, staring in a general direction, but always coming back to the same thing, like that red sign.

And then my two little brothers come to jolt me out of my reverie, and I get up and pay them the attention they're due; they're part of the music and the games, yet of a different category. I'll label it Reality until I think of something more appropriate.

I believe that it is the Reality category that keeps me going. School is part of the music and games; I can only give them so much attention. Or maybe school just hasn't been a part of my life long enough to enter the Reality category. My Reality are the people and the things I come home to every day, that stick with me through thick and thin, both in what they know and what they have no part in. Mum and Dad can't come to school with me, but I tell them all about my classes and homework and ask for their advice and help. The kids don't know what Ate Aisa's doing at school, but they can make me laugh when I come home. I can't bring my friends to school with me, but I know Stevie and Todd and Kim and Mariel are always there to send hugs via gChat when I simply say, "homework." The best support in life are those people who don't need to know all the details; they're just they're no matter what.

Assignment: Curiositá - Self-Assessment Checklist

[x] I keep a journal or notebook to record my insights and questions. --> I'm on my 5th personal journal, and my 3rd composition journal for my poems/lyrics. I've gotten worse at it as I grow busier... but I used to write the strangest things =) Maybe five years from now, I'll look back on my entries now and think they're strange... but I don't mean strange as in fooling around. I mean strange... like questions I haven't found the answers to yet and I can no longer recall where on earth they came from at the time.

[x] I take adequate time for contemplation and reflection. --> This one I've only gotten better at. Although perhaps also stranger... Too often I know that there is something else that I should be doing, but I just sit on my couch and space out. I don't try to control where my mind goes. Often I speak my thoughts aloud. I like to hash things out, and it helps me to organize my thoughts when I speak aloud as if I'm having a conversation with someone, or giving a talk at YFC. When I can't fall asleep at night, I start speaking aloud about nothing in particular until I do. Sometimes I hit on things that seem significant the next day and sometimes I don't.

[] I am always learning something new. --> Not consciously, at least. Perhaps I am learning something new each second of my life, not only as I study, but simply by being alive. I probably am. But I haven't yet learned to make myself aware of that at all times.

[x] When I am faced with an important decision, I actively seek out different perspectives. --> And yet, below, I did not check off, "My friends would describe me as open-minded..." because I do ask for advice, but usually always from the same circle of people; my parents and my closest friends. I practically never seek advice outside that circle. I can honestly say, however, that I do seek advice from people that I already know I will most probably disagree with; Nate can attest to that, he's gotten frustrated with me for asking his opinion and then doing something else, anyway. But I still ask because I value his perspective. I was talking to Paolo once, and we talked about how, sometimes, Nate's opposition helps more than any support, because he provides all the [very intelligent and not merely stubborn] objections which force you to really examine why you're doing what you're doing, and sometimes that's really what you need to know. Why are you doing what you're doing?

[x] I am voracious reader. --> That I am and always have been and always will be.

[x] I learn from little children. --> =) Babies are the best teachers.

[] I am skilled at identifying and solving problems. --> I don't think it would be fair to attempt to rate myself on this one.

[] My friends would describe me as open-minded and curious. --> Oh, I am a very stubborn person. I consider myself to be terribly logical. It makes me miserable sometimes, actually. Not too often, but occasionally, I have a wild urge to do something completely and totally illogical. Unfortunately, I do know from experience that that never turns out well, not when you already have all the logic as to why you oughtn't in your head.

[] When I hear or read a new word or phrase, I look it up and make a note of it. --> Depends on the context. That's probably a bad thing...

[] I know a lot about other cultures and am always learning more. --> What I know about cultures other than a) the Filipino culture, b) the American culture, c) the Culture of Life, and d) the Culture of Death, I've either picked up from reading (books like Bento Box in the Heartland by Linda Furiya) or from experience (three months in Francavilla al Mare, Italy), but I do not usually actively seek information on other cultures.

[x] I know or am involved in learning a language other than my native one. --> What is my native language, anyway? I still haven't determined that. At any rate, I speak English and Tagalog, I did get past Latin II, and that is enough to sometimes give me the gist of bits of Italian and Spanish. Oh, and my friends say I can imitate both a British and a Scottish accent well enough. Not that that counts...

[x] I solicit feedback from my friends, relations, and colleagues. --> HAH. That's funny.

[] I love learning. --> It depends on what I'm learning about. Some subjects I'll drink in like water, others I nibble away at as at a dry piece of bread. Thus, I wouldn't think it fair say that I love to learn as a general rule.

Assignment: Reflection/Time Diary Evaluation

Week one of college... check. Six classes, five days, one super short crazy weekend.

Evaluating my Time Diary is the easy part. Thankfully, in spite of the concerns voiced at the Dayton panel, I don't seem to be having a problem adjusting to waking up early or managing my time. At the most, I've gotten lost a couple times. My Time Diary shows that I've been able to complete my homework assignments in a timely manner and still be able to do the things that I do on a regular basis - albeit somewhat shorter than I have been accustomed to - spending time praying and hanging out with my family, talking to my closest friends, playing guitar and piano, surfing the web, and serving. Granted, my homework load has been light so far, but I don't think I'll have a problem adjusting as the term continues.

One very important thing I learned from my Time Diary assignment is what I absolutely cannot give up; prayer, family time, guitar, and service. That gives me a pretty good game plan for when the homework load gets heavier: cut down on the web surfing =)

And now for the reflection part of my post. Why don't we go through this day-by-day? What I learned this week:

Wednesday, 9.09

• Hillsong United is one of the best ways to start one's day. It's uplifting, helps me to give my day to God, and block out any concerns that shouldn't interfere with the quality of my performance at school.
• *sigh* Finish my Food Sanitation homework BEFORE eating, preferrably not after I eat, and most certainly NOT while I am eating. Food Sanitation is my least favorite class, as it is all rote memorization and nothing to tell me how I am doing until the actual final. I'm learning a great deal, but honestly; must I memorize the Latin names of 19 foodborne illnesses and which out of 14 foods they are most likely to be found in? That would be the class I am stressing.
• Writing to friends is so much fun, especially when you're writing to a friend who has asked you to write to them.
• The Excel 2007 class was a good choice. I wouldn't have gotten anything out of my other two choices. I'm actually learning something here. And I'm not exactly complaining, but sometimes I feel like Microsoft 2007 makes it too easy. Mother learned how to type all this up, cell by cell. I just have to navigate the menu bar if I'm really lazy, which may look ridiculously complicated, but is ten times easier than typing. Fortunately, I want to be able to navigate my desktop completely without the use of my mouse, like Unc, so I have a good incentive to utilize the keyboard and try to avoid resorting to the mouse as much as possible.
• I gravitate towards teachers who speak of their children.
• Carpooling with Dad gives me more time to talk to him, and for this, I am very thankful.

Thursday, 9.10

• Cooking 1 is the most amazing class ever, and I can actually eat. Yes, that was one of the most important lessons ever.
• It is possible to get owned by a cucumber.
• I learned how to tie a neckerchief and I do not know if I spelled that correctly.
• I must not neglect my personal blog for this blog. It is clear that I am doing so, and I must get out of it ASAP.
• Nino, as I anticipated, is my #1 Stress Reliever, contrary to popular [secular] opinion. Hey, their loss.
• Naptime with Nino is worth putting off homework for.
• My Honors textbook is very clearly anti-Catholic. This was something I was not prepared for. Teachers and fellow students, I can deal with; one of my best friends is an Athiest, I've had plenty of practice. But I was not expecting to be dealing with an anti-Catholic textbook so early in my college experience. I fear that I am beginning to understand all too well what Courtney deals with.
• Read the Math word problems three times through before starting, just to be absolutely sure. If you can, read aloud very softly to yourself.

Friday, 9.11

• I must not start my day with Relient K and Dashboard Con'fey. They get me thinking about things that I do not need to be thinking about at school.
• Always bring extra homework, even if you think you will not have time for it. I brought too little and ended up being bored and calling people while I waited around for class to start.
• Adults who are intolerant of teen's beliefs are terrible people to run into. Honestly. Let me run into all the people my age who think I'm crazy and brainwashed and overzealous and a prude or whatever else they call me. I can manage without wanting to tear my hair out. But adults who are intolerant - especially those who look like they could be grandparents - are the limit. I have no patience with them. They think they know best, then let them, and let me be the headstrong teen who believes she's been brought up well.
• When you start college, all of a sudden, you like watching kids' TV shows again. Hahaha.

Saturday, 9.12

• I should still wake up at 5 on the weekend, so as not to break my pattern, and also to have plenty of time for everything I need to do. It's amazing how much time you lose when you let yourself sleep in until 10:30, even on Saturdays.
• Starting a Saturday with Motion City Soundtrack is acceptable.
• Cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry always have been and always will be therapeutical, no matter what anyone says. They are a most welcome chore after four days of no chores due to college, and they're one more very good reason to wake up early - plenty of time to do homework and more time to do therapeutical chores.
• Do not believe Chef Valento when he says homework will only take 20 minutes. Or is that only because I actually read the whole chapter instead of simply hunting for the answers for my fill-in-the-blank worksheet?

Sunday, 9.13

• iTunes 9 is super.
• Voyager is necessary to weekends.
• Xtreme Days Youth Nights are SUPER, but I need to get those kiddies to jump more.
• I learned that I miss the YFC Music Ministry more than anything about YFC.
• Voyager - Macrocosm was one episode I could've skipped and not have been missing out on anything. DISGUSTING. I do not recommend it.
• Catholic homeschoolers are amazing people. Not that I didn't already know that, but I met three super awesome young ladies - sisters - and they just blew me away. Wonderful, wonderful women.

Monday, 9.14

• 2nd breakfast is a good idea.
• Nostalgia at 8 AM due to a terrible choice of playlists is not... fun. And should be repeated.
• Making friends at college is not that hard at all.
• It is possible to get owned by a carrot. Trust whoever put the Culinary curriculum together to give you homework that owns you every time.
• Being allowed to work ahead while the teacher is giving a lecture is so much fun, especially when you have a voice recorder for later in case you missed anything.
• Writing without purpose is a terrible experience. I can sympathize better now with Courtney and Mikey. God bless them.

Tuesday, 9.15

• Half an hour makes all the difference in the world, and the traffic at 6:30 AM is unforgiving. Never again.

Assignment: Time Diary; Monday

0600 driving, walking, writing to Matt
0700 writing to Matt, Honors homework, blogging on wordpress, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, 2nd breakfast
0800 2nd breakfast, listening to Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, listening to Jonathan Coulton, listening to Coldplay, listening to Dispatch, listening to Cloud Cult, listening to Motion City Soundtrack, listening to Shout Out Louds, listening to Jonas Brothers, listening to Vampire Weekend, listening to Atmosphere, walking
0900 Math, walking, playing Cubis 2
1000 Excel
1100 Excel, walking, socializing
1200 English Composition 1, socializing, walking
1300 driving, talking to Mom, playing with Nino
1400 watching Voyager - Macrocosm, lunch, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, chatting with Stevie
1500 talking to Mom, taking care of Nino, watching Voyager - Ex Post Facto
1600 Excel homework, watching Voyager - Ex Post Facto
1700 watching Voyager - Ex Post Facto, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, slicing bawang, sibuyas, green beans, and carrots for Mom
1800 slicing bawang, sibuyas, green beans, and carrots for Mom, listening to Death Cab for Cutie, checking Facebook
1900 playing with Nino, dinner, driving
2000 waiting for Paco, driving, signing forms
2100 talking with Mom, Dad, Paco, Migi, and Yena, playing with Nino, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, rosary with the family
2200 rosary with the family, sleep

Assignment: Time Diary; Sunday

0600 sleep
0700 sleep
0800 sleep
0900 shower, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, checking Gmail, breakfast, taking care of Nino
1000 taking care of Nino, playing guitar, talking to Paco, chatting with Todd
1100 chatting with Todd, chatting with Stevie, organizing iTunes, watching Voyager - Warhead
1200 watching Voyager - Warhead, chatting with Stevie, checking Facebook, cooking lunch, lunch
1300 taking care of Nino, typing/editing/correcting/printing chords, listening to Hillsong United
1400 typing/editing/correcting/printing chords, listening to Hillsong United, watching Voyager - Macrocosm
1500 sleeping in the car
1600 choir practice
1700 Mass
1800 dinner, XD
1900 XD
2000 XD
2100 sleeping in the car
2200 chatting with Paolo, chatting with Michelle, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, checking Multiply, sleep

Assignment: Time Diary; Saturday

0600 sleeping
0700 sleeping
0800 sleeping
0900 sleeping
1000 sleeping, shower
1100 taking care of Nino, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Twitter, talking to Tita Doris, playing guitar, cleaning my room, listening to Motion City Soundtrack, laundry
1200 listening to Motion City Soundtrack, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, making lunch
1300 making lunch, lunch, laundry, Honors homework
1400 Honors homework, talking to Mom, checking Facebook
1500 Honors homework, Cooking 1 homework, taking care of Nino, browsing Blackboard
1600 Cooking 1 homework, listening to Motion City Soundtrack, checking Facebook
1700 Cooking 1 homework, listening to Motion City Soundtrack, listening to Sara Bareilles, writing to Matt, snack
1800 snack, Cooking 1 homework, talking to Gloria, listening to Sara Bareilles, listening to Avril Lavigne
1900 Cooking 1 homework
2000 Cooking 1 homework, Honors homework, dinner
2100 dinner, taking care of Nino, playing piano, dessert, Rosary with the family, playing guitar
2200 taking care of Nino, cleaning the kitchen, laundry, pressing my uniforms, listening to Josh Groban
2300 pressing my uniforms, listening to Josh Groban, typing/correcting/editing/printing chords
0000 sorting chords, sleep

Re: Comment -- My Homeschooling Experience

"You have quite a bit of experience in this area so I know you were able to do this easily. I have a question about your home schooling - how did it work? Who was the teacher?"

A note for the general public who may come across this post: I cannot 'define' homeschooling the way one may be able to 'define' any other type of schooling (with the exception of unschooling, perhaps), in that I cannot give a set schedule, a list of books or teachers, or even a list of general objectives universally recognized by the homeschooling community. Ex: Some homeschoolers will try to follow a public school-type schedule, some will not. Some will think it necessary to have completed Pre-Calculus by the end of high school, some will settle for Algebra 2. Thus, this post is based entirely on my own experience as a homeschooler -- I will not try to outline how homeschooling works for my siblings or for my many homeschooling friends.

The joy of homeschooling as I experienced it was that it could be tailored to my needs as an individual. If one textbook or program did not 'work' for me -- that is, it was not conducive to my learning, for various reasons -- I could try another. That does not mean that I could simply drop a subject for reasons as lame as that I found it boring. But it did mean that I could go through three textbooks for Algebra 1 (Saxon, Jacobs, and Math-U-See) and decide which among them was the easiest to understand, so that I could complete the requirement, but also enjoy myself better than if I'd been forced to stick with the first.

I had a lot of time on my hands, and I believe that this made it easier for me to choose my major, as I had so much time to explore my interests and recognize which subjects -- intra- as well as extra-curricular -- I loved best. I would complete my basic requirements, and then be free to spend hours at gymnastics, karate, choir, and violin. Also, I could be as flexible as I wished within a required subject; I love to sew and cook, and I could count both as Science.

At first, Mom and Dad -- mostly Mom -- were my only teachers. As I grew older, it was important for me to begin to take charge of my own schooling, and I also began using video lectures and taking online courses. Mom and Dad will always be my first teachers for everything in life, but academically speaking, for the last few years of high school, my only teachers were the people giving my video lectures for Math (Geometry, Algebra 1 & 2, and Pre-Calculus), Chemistry, and Physics; my online teachers for Bravewriter and my Anglo-Saxon literature course; the authors of every written piece I have ever read; and my own self.

As it continued to become more necessary for me to be responsible for my own schooling, that also meant that I became more and more accountable to nobody but myself. I struggled with motivation. Within my own family, I had no competition, and while this wasn't an issue for those subjects that I loved, it was difficult to stay on time with subjects that I disliked, however slightly. And even within subjects that I generally enjoy, there were times when I got 'stuck,' and would allow myself to stay 'stuck' for long periods of time. It was a great blessing to move back to Cincinnati in 2006. I had kept in touch with many of my friends from elementary school, and I was about to make a great many more through my youth group. It didn't take me long to find out that I was behind my grade-mates in math and science. This proved to be a most successful wake-up call; I allowed myself to be motivated by the 'competition,' and ended up graduating a year early.

I have often encountered people who thought that I was unlucky to be homeschooled; they say I've been 'brainwashed' in one way or another. I do not mind their initial reaction; what irks me is that they refuse to believe the simple truth when I present it -- and that is that I chose to be homeschooled. When we moved to Clarks Summit, I did not want to go to a new school. Every year since then, my parents have allowed me to decide for myself if I wanted to continue homeschooling, or attend public school. I have had six very obvious chances to go back to public school. I turned down all of them. I think that ought to speak pretty plainly about how proud I am to have been homeschooled.

The other issue people bring up is, of course, socialization. They ask how I make friends. Well, there is the neighborhood, for one thing. Then there is the fact that there are homeschooling groups, where homeschoolers can get together for both school-related and non-school-related activities. In my case, I have been very active outside of the home -- I was a gymnast for eight years, up to five hours of training a week; then came Tang Soo Do, and I spent a minimum of eight hours at the school every week, usually more; I was in the Youth Choir (and eventually Adult Choir for five years), which required one to three hours of practice during the week, plus the actual Mass; in my last three years of high school, I gave myself heart and soul to my Youth Group. No one can tell me that I have been 'missing out' on socialization.

Furthermore, in terms of socialization -- people-skills -- I believe that homeschooling has provided better preparation for the world than public school could have, in that a public school student's interaction with people outside of their age group is limited. Within school, they are limited to their interaction with their teachers and other students, the latter usually within a range of around 12 years at the most. Unless they come from a big family or have a job, this is usually the extent of their exposure. My exposure has allowed me to form very close friendships with people of all ages. I am as comfortable with parents and grandparents and small children as I am with friends my own age. Some of my peers even tease me as being a member of what they term the "mommy circle."

Overall, I have absolutely no reason to regret my experience as a homeschooler, and I highly doubt that the years to come will give me any reason to wish that I had made different choices.

Assignment: Time Diary; Friday

0600 ACTS and rosary with Dad, talking to Dad, drop Dad off at work, driving
0700 writing to Matt, breakfast, walking
0800 walking, writing to Matt, listening to Relient K and Dashboard Confessional
0900 Math, Excel homework
1000 Excel homework, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Blackboard, walking
1100 talking to Dev, walking, socializing, writing to Matt
1200 English Composition 1, walking, driving
1300 driving, watching Life on the Rock, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, checking Blackboard, lunch?
1400 lunch?, watching Made In His Image, chatting with Mom, blogging, following Stations of the Cross
1500 Honors homework, talking to Dad, shopping with Dad
1600 shopping with Dad, talking to Gloria, talking to Mom, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, cooking dinner
1700 cooking dinner, dinner, watching TV with Migi and Yena, taking care of Nino
1800 watching TV with Migi and Yena, taking care of Nino, dressing Nino, rosary with the family
1900 rosary with the family, CLS
2000 CLS
2100 CLS, driving, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, video chatting with Paolo
2200 chatting with Paolo, taking care of Nino, sleep

Assignment: Time Diary; Thursday

0600 ACTS and rosary with Dad, sleeping in the car, drop Dad off at work, driving
0700 making a new friend, socializing, breakfast
0800 socializing, breakfast, writing to Matt, walking
0900 Math, walking
1000 Cooking 1
1100 Cooking 1
1200 Cooking 1
1300 Cooking 1
1400 Cooking 1
1500 Cooking 1, walking, driving
1600 driving, picking Dad up from work, talking to Dad
1700 lunch?, hugging Nino, talking to Dad, Mom, Yena, Migi, and Paco, checking Facebook, checking Gmail, checking Twitter, checking Multiply, Honors homework
1800 Honors homework, Food Sanitation homework, singing/dancing Nino to sleep, napping with Nino
1900 napping with Nino, playing guitar, playing piano, dinner
2000 dinner, catching up with family, Honors homework
2100 Honors homework
2200 Honors homework, chatting with Todd, checking Gmail, checking Facebook, rosary with the family, playing guitar, sleep